Meet the Hor-RIFF-ic Family

Gary Slasher knew at a young age that he was different, from the moment he picked up his first meat cleaver. His later attempt to break into the horror industry as the first articulate slasher with a college degree proved to be a miserable failure. Vowing revenge, he remembered a certain television show with robots and mad scientists that always calmed his insatiable blood-lust.  With that show in mind, a plan began to form in his demented brain. He also remembered when he was kicked off the school paper for writing a scathing review of the 8th graders play, which left the drama teacher in tears, much to Gary’s delight. And so he decided that if he could not join his homicidal brethren in their bloody escapades, he’d riff the hell out of them! Joined by his wife (the success of their marriage is due largely to the fact that no matter how many times Gary attempts to kill Erin, she just won’t die!) he formed Hor-RIFF-ic Productions. Where they promise, no matter how much you fear the icy fingers of death, with the Slashers for company…you’ll die laughing!

Erin Slasher (formerly Erin Brainmunchowser) was an aspiring actress before she died choking on popcorn while laughing hysterically at the burping ghosts in The Grudge. Having risen from the grave in another failed apocalyptic zombie invasion she decided to give the whole acting thing another shot. Unfortunately, horror directors and casting agents alike turned her away stating simply, “You talk too much.” At this point, Erin decided that this zombie discrimination will not stand and she would fight back the only way she knew how, with biting sarcasm and derision. Erin met her husband Gary after accidentally being stabbed by him at a weekend camping trip where she was attempting to harvest the brains of the horny teens he was stalking. Now they have joined forces, and continue in their crusade to make the horror industry pay for making so many bad movies….and not having the courtesy of casting them in the lead roles. Erin is the social butterfly of the Hor-RIFF-ic Productions team as Gary prefers the dark solitude of his demented braiiiinnnnnnn.

263300_10151599939210699_609926157_nSatan, The Prince of Darkness, Lucifer…ok that’s more than enough, you know we’re talking about. Satan    joined the Hor-RIFF-ic crew after their first release caught his eye. With most of his nefarious schemes on networks and cell phone apps he has a lot of time on his hands and has his own axes to grind with the horror industry. Namely that he’s stopped getting royalty checks from the major studios from when he invented the modern day genre the late 70’s and 80’s. With his tacky shirt funds dwindling as a result of this betrayal, he sought out his old “friends” the Slashers to seek some much needed satanic payback. Satan’s original responsibility was only to provide synching help for the listeners but with time has now developed into a full member of the riffing crew, much to the chagrin of Gary who’s never forgiven Satan for cancellation of his favorite show, Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Brad Dracula, brother of the movie darling Vlad Dracula, enjoys is another ally that joins the Slasher periodically on their crusade against Hollywood. Having spent hundreds of years perfecting his brother’s act he was made aware that unfortunately he is now considered a cliched vampire character actor who couldn’t even get a job teaching children about numbers and counting. Filled with hatred that burns like a pepperoni with cheese and extra garlic sauce, he decided that he will riff any vampire movie the gruesome twosome choose to take on. Once again to the chagrin of Gary who is constantly annoyed at Brad’s advances toward Erin who he considers another comely member of the “Undead”.

One comment on “Meet the Hor-RIFF-ic Family

  1. Hey Guys, watched your Poltergeist riff and i’ve got to say you had me laughing hysterically throughout the entire film, at first I was thinking “who the hell are these people?’, “They’re no Mike, Kevin, or Bill.”, but at the end of the film I came to the conclusion that the Slasher family are just as good, if not funnier than the veterans. My fiance and I are now new fans of yours and can’t wait to see more of your work. Great Job on the Riffing, definitely keep it up.

Join Us!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s